Longing for Belonging
For many months now I have been getting questions from my clients that basically are all a version of something like: How do I take care of myself when the external ground—the shape of the world, the country, the region, local community in which I live—keeps shifting…shifting in ways that are confronting, scary, remind me continuously that I have no control?
Often there is a habit of connecting with the external context without connecting internally. I have this habit, and many of my clients do also. When that external connection is not available in the ways we’re used to, it is really easy for the structures inside that have a story around feeling alone to get activated, rise up and take over.
Yes, as humans we are pack animals and need external connection, I get that. And, precisely because we are human we also need connection internally.
I am talking about somatic connection here—connection on the inside, as a body. Being and experiencing our aliveness as a body—being aware of ourselves as a body, not cutting off. When connecting inside is solely a cognitive exercise—talking to oneself about how to be, reframing our feelings with our thoughts, telling our bodies not to move in certain ways—we cut ourselves off from accessing our well of nourishment, our ground of being that feeds us.
Belonging. Opting in. It isn’t just a head fix. Body has to belong, too. Because that internal connection is what grounds us, and is a place from which we connect externally. That internal connection feeds us, resources us on a deep level.
Recently I noticed in myself a somatic pattern of rigidifying in response to, or in defense against, perceptions that I wasn’t being included. I’m not being included as part of the tribe, so I’m gonna hunker down and isolate. This is an old pattern, to be sure. And, as my teachers Julie Henderson, Ph.D., and The 36th Vairocana Tulku have said to me, it’s an error of perception, this story of isolation.
I can talk myself through noticing what is happening and change the cognitive narrative around the triggers. And, that isn’t enough. Me, as body, is still holding the pattern in my tissues.
There are many Zapchen Somatics practices that loosen the rigidifying pattern I am working with. The practices loosen the held structures by reconnecting me with my essential ground as an organism, as a body. When I do the practices, I reconnect to my wellspring of ground—I feel/sense/experience the wellspring inside myself. And, in this felt experience I experience connection. I am connection. The stories of isolation, of connection with other, are not running. I feel connected, because I am connected. This experience is most healing, and very important during this time.
Yes, I still feel the isolation patterns arising. Yes, I still cut off from myself, get disembodied. I am human! But, doing these practices every day that reconnect me to myself as aliveness, as ground, changes my baseline over time. I notice that I am now able to find my ground, reconnect to myself as ground, more quickly when the shit hits the fan. Evidence that my body’s landscape is changing: patterns of response that are no longer helpful are loosening; more supportive patterns are taking hold.
Making space for well-being. That is what the Zapchen Somatics practices do. The practices hold inside them the information of spacious well-being. When practiced over time, we cultivate space inside us, as bodies, that allows well-being to move more freely.
During this time of COVID-19 one of the most difficult challenges for us is to experience connection that is nourishing and real. It is for me. We already are connected to the many layers of stress—locally, regionally, nationally, globally—from the coronavirus pandemic. That's inescapable. So connecting in nourishing ways that give us the felt experience, even if briefly, that we are not alone, is very healing and supportive. It can help us get through the difficult moments with more ease.
Connection to self as ground reassures us…
That we are not isolated
That we have resources—felt resources
That we have a place to land when buffeted by strong winds
That we have dignity.
It is easier to come back to our ground if we practice again and again. Confidence that is embodied, grounded and at-ease can take root in these conditions of ground.
From my heart, to yours…
