A Reflection, and A Wish
Gosh, it’s been awhile. Since I have sat at the keyboard and written about practice for my Blog. Not sure how it feels yet, to put myself out into the Internet space after several months of focusing on cultivating my internal spaces.
I needed to take time—significant family events for both me and my spouse. For a few months, I resisted taking the time I needed. Then, my body told me, quite loudly, in fact, “We gotta take a break!” A case of plantar fasciitis that made it too painful to walk. I literally could not take steps forward.
Why didn’t I listen sooner? The signs were there. I could feel them accumulating when I was out walking. I took some action and then put it aside, on the back burner. In part, I was scared. Scared of what I would leave behind, miss out on, erode progress (imagined or real) that I had worked so hard to make, if I pulled back for an unknown period of time. Will my clients still be there? Will the potential clients I have been cultivating sign up? Will I miss opportunities for work I am better suited for? How will I make a meaningful income contribution to my household? How will my spouse be able to take a needed break if I stop now? And on and on and on….
I also was scared of space. Because I was afraid of being isolated and alone; most people in my circles are working full time. Who would I be if I could not connect with others in our culturally sanctioned way, through the topic of work?
As I was healing my foot and re-learning how to take care and walk pain-free, I received a text from a client saying they were missing my Zapchen Somatics online class. Oh, this felt so good to hear—feedback like this is gold as a new small-business owner! A big part of me wanted to keep that gold feeling, take it further, and immediately offer more classes.
I was not ready to add to my schedule amidst the big family changes that were still happening, and I felt it in my bones. So, again, the fears spinning around as my thoughts, and these thoughts taking over my inner knowing that what I was doing was enough right now.
With time, my foot was healing, and I was walking like a champ again. I became aware of somatic narratives, or body patterns, that were riding alongside my thought loops of doom: narratives of disconnecting, exhaustion, isolation.
I continued to ride the waves and do my daily embodiment practices. And from time to time getting some hands-on work from practitioners I trust. Observing what happens with the patterns and thoughts as I work my program.
I am not on the other side. Are we ever? It seems that something always happens to shatter the underlying structures, or at least poke me hard enough to want to shed another layer that is no longer beneficial. But, I have a bit more distance and can work with the patterns in a different way. I feel again, as a body, like I have the resources to offer and to recover when the offer is not accepted.
It turns out that Zapchen, and other somatic practices that support us to come back to our bodies, create space inside. Space that is connected, and a connection that is felt and recognized as a body, as a nervous system, as organ systems. When we experience connection inside, connecting to the external world is from a place of being and feeling resourced, rather than out of worry—of not being enough, not being liked, not being part of the masses/the “in” crowd.
Zapchen Yawning practice is one of the best somatic (body-based, rather than thinking-based or medical intervention-based) space creators I have encountered. Just five minutes of Zapchen Yawning self-regulates us towards both ease and aliveness quite quickly and profoundly.
I often hear clients express concern that, if they do Zapchen Yawning, they might become too relaxed and therefore will not be useful for the remainder of their day. I can relate to the worry! However, my clients that do Zapchen Yawning practice report feeling very relaxed while also having access to energy—energy they can use without getting “amped up” in order to get through their to-do list. They also report that, if they don’t get through the list, there isn’t the bi-product of stress that comes with not getting things done.
One of my dreams is that I my somatic coaching work touches enough people who are open to taking time each day (5 minutes, a half hour, and hour), in order to do one or more embodiment practices that build space of connection on the inside. Enough people so that doing this becomes part of our cultural way of being. So taking care in this way is not a difficult choice for people, but a given. Perhaps idealistic on my part but, in this new year, it feels like a wish worth cultivating.
