All Roads
Sometimes I have this feeling—in my bones, in my cells, in my DNA—that everything has led me to this moment.
It’s not a thought, though the thought is there, too. It’s a knowing. A knowing as body, as energy, as mind (that unnamable “us” that is beyond body, energy, thought). As being.
Maybe you’ve experienced your particular version of the experience I’m describing?
I’ve started calling this phenomenon my “All Roads” moment.
Lately I’ve been thinking about all the human beings, and other beings, who’ve guided me along my way to my All Roads moments. Who “gave” me something: by showing, by being, by doing, by saying.
Something that, even if it was just for a moment—like a fleeting scene in a dream—guides me. Helps me transform into who I hope to be. Buoys me. Points me toward relaxing into kindness and grounded confidence.
It’s been helpful to me to “find” these beings, and to experience them as with me, at my back.
Connecting with these beings is a primary practice in Zapchen Somatics. I was very fortunate to receive these teachings from Julie Henderson, my principal teacher in Zapchen, as well as from some of her lineage teachers that I’ve had the opportunity to sit with: His Eminence Zhichen Bairo Rinpoche, the 12th Gyalwang Drukpa, and the Venerable Lama Wangdor Rinpoche.
Julie has said to me countless times during the last 23 or 24 years, “Ask for help.” This is her shorthand to me to Rest Down (a Zapchen practice): be aware of, in and as my body and energy; and, from this place of being notice and call forth these beings.
A few years ago, I was doing some work with Coquelicot Guilland, a somatic healer. She suggested to me a version of this practice that built on what I already knew how to do somatically and energetically. Her version, called 70/30, helped me have an even stronger felt sense of my own back, and of these beings at my back.
In a nutshell it goes like this: I do some practices that return my awareness to myself as body and energy (Zapchen Rest Down, Come to Alignment); I move towards being aware as body and energy, including being aware as heart presence. Then, as my heart, in my heart, physical sensations I associate with gratitude arise, and a feeling or presence of a particular person arises. And, what this person gave or showed me.
For instance, my paternal grandmother’s (or “Baba,” as I called her) sweetness. Or, Elisa Rabin, a bodyworker and healer who once said to me during a session, “You are being guided.” Or my mother’s loyalty. Or my father’s unvarnished humility.
I open and relax into a sensatory experience (sight, touch, sound, smell, thought, feeling) of this person with her/his gift to me, at my back and fully behind me.
Then, I write down the person’s name on a page where I gather all the names. For me, the written recording down seals, or grounds, a felt sense of being backed by these wonderful beings.
As I write this to all of you, I find these beings in my heart and at my back, Zapchen- and 70/30-style.
And, from this place in this moment, I offer to you all the generosity and love available inside “All Roads.”
Marla
My Baba cradling me in her sweet love.
I ground the energies of those who have my back, in written form.
