Practicing Anyway
Lately I’ve been having the experience of feeling stuck, like things aren’t moving the way I want them to, or fast enough, or I can’t get traction.
In these moments, it’s difficult for me to practice.
That difficulty isn’t new for me. When I started studying Zapchen Somatics 25 years ago, my teachers, Julie and Tony, talked about practicing anyway. Especially when experiencing difficulty. This topic came up a lot, in every monthly group practice, every weekend class, on every retreat.
For years, I resisted their guidance on this point. I’d practice occasionally on my own. Mostly I’d practice when I was in my monthly group session, in a weekend class or on retreat.
Then, about 10 years ago, I started to practice more on my own. I’m not sure why: maybe I’d practiced resistance to practicing on my own long enough.
Five years ago, I commenced a daily practice.
What do I do? I meditate. I walk. I do Zapchen and other somatic practices that return me to my pulsation. Why pulsation? Pulsation is fundamental to who we are as human bodies, as organism. We would not be alive as human bodies without pulsation. As my teacher, Julie, says it’s inseparable from aliveness and the sensations of well-being.
Many—dare I say all—of the Zapchen Somatics practices have pulsation at their core. Rhythmic movement, breath, sound, touch, and combinations of these elements. For example: Zapchen Jiggling, Zapchen Patting and Zapchen Rocking. We practice moving in and out of the practices, as well, which also is a form of pulsation. For example, we do Zapchen Humming (a pulsatory practice), and then pause or rest, maybe even take a Zapchen Nap, and then Hum again.
I’ve noticed that when I do practices that reconnect me to myself as pulsation, things shift inside me. I shift. The shift arises without me pre-determining what it will be. The pulsation, the movement and flow that is me as body and energy, as organism, arises. Sometimes in a pronounced way, sometimes more quietly.
Pulsation is an opening, a portal. And when I walk through that portal I open to the sensations of being, of aliveness. Over time, my experience of being as whole body strengthens and opens more easily to flow. And, there’s a desire that arises to return to pulsation even when I feel stuck--or depleted, or hyped-up, or heavy with seriousness, etc. And that makes Practicing Anyway easier.
From my heart, to yours…
